Joke1

Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot when her husband died, she inquired with the
newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.

The ad taker said: '300 pesos for 5 words.'

She said: 'Pwede ba 2 words lang? 'Tanoy dead''

Ad taker: 'No mam. 5 words is the minimum.'

After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: 'Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,

'TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE '

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Boy: Nay may ulam ba?

Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.

Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?

Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan, anak!

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Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math?

Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?

Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.

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Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?

Tindero: One way.

Kano : Meg-kanow?

Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.

Kano : Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?

Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

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Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!

Loi: San ang balitang yan?

Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; 'British tourist lost 2000 pounds.'

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MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator):

Name?

Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.

MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be careful, ok?

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BF: Sunduin kita mamaya ha. Bubusina nalang ako pag nasa harap nako ng
bahay nyo.

GF: Cge. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo?

BF: Wala. Busina lang...

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Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard...

Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind,
highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer
instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?

Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang
mag-apply?

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Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.

But....when HE cancels a date...... he HAS TWO.

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Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.

Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.

Junior: Ok nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.

Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.

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Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift?
Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente ... mahal naman !!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha
akong bata?
Doktora ... heto tsupon, P20 lang!!

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ORDER

Customer .... waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang cook nyo dito?
Waiter .... ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito...pipse lang po!!

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PROBLEMA NGA

Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi
ako...
Doktor .... so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising..

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ACCIDENT

A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.

With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,

'I'M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.'

Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.

There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people...a pig

bumped by a trailer truck!

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PINTURA

Erap .... Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi ... Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap ... Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.

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MANNY PAQUIAO

Reporter ... Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman ka na?

Manny ... Ano'ng bill? e di yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng bawa't round sa
bukseng?